Ask Professor Wiseasski

The Solar Tsunami

A while back the news covered a story about the Northern Lights being visible further south than normal, due to sun activity.  A friend of mine sent me an email about it.

“I looked at the Prescott sky last night and saw what looked like a faint tunnel cloud across the sky.  It was the darndest thing. What are those special lights supposed to look like?  Please respond in 300 pages or less. – K”

Here is my response to her:

"Hi K, I will start at the beginning, then I will skip to near the end.   BANG!!!!  (Well, at least that is one theory of the beginning.)

Moving forward to now, we know that our sun is a huge, boiling blob and it spits out stuff, just like a pot of spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove.  It will spatter tomato sauce and juices and bits of spices and herbs in all directions.  One of those very recent spitting outs, from the sun not the spaghetti sauce, spat directly at the Earth.

So ... here’s what could happen when that wad of spit hits us:  it’ll be like a huge tsunami wave rolling in from the ocean, but instead of just water with a little salt in it, it is filled with strange, electromagnetically charged particles.  Now, if It is a tsunami in the ocean and if that tsunami comes right at you, it can run up on your beach there in paradise and knock down your thatched roof house.

Now I do not want to get too technical for you here, but a tsunami of solar waves is a different animal, full of weird stuff, like neutrons and ions and eons and other stuff like that.  And those things can interfere in some way with the protons and neutrons and morons and other types of matter that we already have here on, and around, Earth.

So, this tsunami first manifests itself by glowing in the atmosphere like a neon light show.  That is the cool part.  But then it starts screwing with electrical gadgets and radio waves and things stop working right.   Things like our communication satellites.  Then it gets around to the rays like UVs and UVAs and Bs and increases your chances of going blind with macular degeneration and developing cataracts, so you better hope you have your sunglasses on at that point.  And then the trouble causing Xs.

Of course, when those X-rays, hit you, they will just go right through you just like getting an X-ray at the doctor’s office on your whole body all at once.  I do not know how many X rays you have had lately, but they seem to be coming at me fairly regularly.   And no one seems to really know how many of those you can have a year without getting sick or mutating into another life form.   But we just got another one, courtesy of the Sun deciding to spit at us. 

So, here is the sun, suddenly aiming one right at us … spitting directly into the "blue eye of earth" and maybe that ought to be telling us something.  Maybe somebody or something is pissed … and trying to either pick a fight, straighten us out, or maybe just letting us know the end is getting near. 

Danged if I know which.

 I can’t figure out for sure if we need to start a movement to put up some kind of big defense mirror out there in space to reflect it back to them, or to get down on our knees and pray and promise to do better, or to just get our affairs in order in case our entire existence comes to an end. 

Being conservative, I am going to hedge the bet and do at least two out of the three.

Oh! …. K! …  I just re-read your message … you simply asked me what those special lights are supposed to look like.  

Well, from the Prescott sky at night, one would have seen what looked like a faint tunnel cloud across the sky, like a darndest thing.  Did that answer your question?     -Tom."

If you want a simple answer, ask a simple man.


SEEDS INTO THE WIND: One Thousand Days of Timeless Wisdom

Order NOW for Christmas presents!! 

NEW! From the author of Twisted By The WindSEEDS INTO THE WIND is a collection of over one thousand inspirational, motivational, witty and sometimes humorous quotations selected from “Here’s Your Pearl of the Day® from Tom Hays”, a daily “thought starter” email sent to subscribers and featured on selected websites for over fourteen years. The book features quotations from famous and infamous thinkers throughout history to the present day. Readers are encouraged to. each day. choose a random number between one and one thousand, look up that numbered quotation in the book and see what "Pearl of Wisdom" fate brings them that day.

List Price: $12.95 
5.5" x 8.5" (13.97 x 21.59 cm) 
Black & White on White paper
160 pages
Postwood Press
ISBN-13: 978-0692262467 (Custom)
ISBN-10: 0692262466
BISAC: Philosophy / Ethics & Moral Philosophy   

The Impossible Cure

Tom Hays - Storyteller -My friend Ben used to watch old Lewis hobble along the sidewalk of the downtown square back in EnidOklahoma. Lewis always had his crutches, one under each arm, and he literally dragged his legs and feet along as he pivoted the crutches back and forth. He had gotten really good at it. Ben had seen him going along without missing a beat even when the streets and sidewalks were covered with a layer of ice.

     Ben never knew how Lewis became crippled, and he could not remember a time when Lewis was not using his crutches. His imagination led him down many paths: polio, a car wreck, thrown from a horse, a war injury, plane crash … Ben never knew. He had only heard it could not be fixed. Lewis would always be hopelessly crippled.  Ben had to admire his spirit, though. He’d often whistle as he swung himself along and nearly always had a smile to share when anyone passed him on the street.

     One evening, Ben was having a Coke with Uncle Charlie who was having something a little stronger. Uncle Charlie was himself a fixture in town: red close-cropped hair in a flat top, and a huge red handlebar mustache that he kept neatly waxed and curled up at the ends. Ben and Charlie were not really related, but Ben, along with everyone else, called him Uncle Charlie. Ben thought he was kind of like that strange uncle every family seemed to have.

     So, Uncle Charlie took a long drink of his adult beverage and ordered another one. Ben didn’t know how many he had finished before Ben got there, but Uncle Charlie did like to operate from a higher place than most people.

     “Hey, did I tell you what happened to Lewis?”

     Suddenly, Ben’s heart sank. Had something happened to Lewis? “No … what?”

     Uncle Charlie wiped the beer foam from the bottom of his mustache. “I saw him the other evening out at the big tent revival, you know, up there on that vacant lot at the north end of town. Some traveling preacher came into town and put up a big tent. The preacher claimed that God talks to him personally and tells him to travel around and spread His word. Says God gave him the power to heal just by placing his hands on people of faith, and all he asks of them is donations to keep him going. There were a lot of people there, and old Lewis was one of them.”

     “I never knew Lewis was particularly religious,”  Ben said, “and I thought he had long given up any thought of ever walking again.”

     “Well, Lewis was there nonetheless, a lot of people were, the place was packed. It was a warm night and the preacher was really wound up. I’m telling you, he had the people standing up and shouting out praises right along with him. And then he got to the healing part. Lewis was standing with a crutch under each arm yelling just about as loud as everyone else. The preacher spotted Lewis in the crowd and came right down off the little stage he’d set up and walked right over to him.” Uncle Charlie took another drink and continued.
     “That preacher had already taken off his coat, and he was sweating and swinging his arms around and practically shouting at the top of his lungs. He stopped directly in front of Lewis and slapped his right hand firmly down on the top of his head, almost knocking him over.

     “Do you believe?” the preacher shouted to Lewis. “Do you believe that the Lord God Almighty gave me the power to heal you?”

     “Lewis started shaking. The preacher asked the audience to join him in calling up the power. He pressed down harder on the top of Lewis’s head.”

     “If you truly believe that God gave me this power, you will be healed! You will walk again! I command you now, be healed!

     Uncle Charlie went on. “He took the crutch from under Lewis’s right arm, held it high in the air, and then tossed it into the crowd. The place went wild. Women and men were weeping and raising their arms and shouting praises. Lewis was staring straight ahead in disbelief.”

     “Then the preacher, with his hand still on Lewis’s head, again shouted, ‘God told me to heal you … be healed!’ and took the crutch from under Lewis’s left arm, held it in the air and threw it nearly to the back of the crowd in the tent. Again, the crowd went crazy, more so than before. It was truly a sight to see; I’ll never forget it as long as I live.” Uncle Charlie took another long drink of his beverage and then carefully wiped the foam from his mustache as before.

     Ben couldn’t wait any longer to hear the rest. “What happened next, Uncle Charlie?”

     Uncle Charlie gave the tip of his red mustache a little twist and turned right to Ben. “Well, Lewis fell on his ass. He’s crippled you know.”

From the book "Twisted by the Wind" by Tom Hays

Story Two of a Trilogy entitled "316 East Boulevard - "Beulah's Curse"

A fiction noir novella by Tom Hays,

The Civil War had just begun. Young plantation slave Ahracee had a dream that one day he would be able to put down his hoe and shovel and do something more with his life. Ahracee thought to himself that watching, learning, picking up skills beyond the job he was assigned, and making himself more valuable as a human being, were the keys to success.

Ahracee’s young girlfriend Sheika supposed that one day she would convince Ahracee to marry her. But life sometimes takes strange turns.

Ahracee left the plantation to join the Union Army.  Enter Beulah, and her black magic. 

The first novella in the trilogy "316 East Boulevard" is titled "There Were Several Ladies Present". "Beulah's Curse" is the prequel to that story.

  • ISBN-10: 0692710469
  • ISBN-13: 978-0692710463
  • Click for more information  Beulah's Curse


A Fiction-Noir novella.   The date was August 22, 1968. The gathering was in the home of one Clarisse Jones, 316 East Boulevard, Birmingham, Alabama. The imposing residence had been the scene of hundreds of these society luncheons over its long history. as the home of a long time pillar of Black society, Mrs. Christine Brown-Jones and, for that matter,  her family before her.   Now, however, the house was presided over by Mrs. Clarisse Jones, a very recent arrival. There were a lot of questions to be answered about the circumstances surrounding this change in occupancy of the house. Persistent rumors had certainly flamed the east Birmingham ladies’ interest in attending this “hot ticket” event.

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Available now in paperback or Kindle.


VEGETARIAN? THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD PREY ON YOU! BAIT - A Healthy Dose of Horror, a novella by Tom Hays, is a cautionary tale of two healthy, personable young women who, through their own naivety, willingly become the prey in a high stakes business of nutrition and… death! Angela, a talented and beautiful blonde, and her room-mate and best friend Lacey, become easy targets in the hands of Robb, a handsome young businessman. Will you be the next victim? Beware. You are what you eat. Previous books by this author include TWISTED BY THE WIND : A Journal of Inspirations, Conversations and Imaginations, and SEEDS INTO THE WIND : One Thousand Days of Timeless Wisdom

File this in your library under “Business Opportunities”.

Grape-Nuts are not really made from grape seeds are they? 

In fact, there are no parts from grapes in the cereal, and grapes don’t even have nuts, they have seeds.
So why would they claim that’s what they are? Nuts or grape seeds, either way they are not from grapes.

That’s false advertising in my book, and we have been eating them most of our lives under this purposeful false and misleading claim.

Anyone with me for a class action lawsuit?